heaen

Thanks to some anonymous message I realized that I'd been writing anything here for quite a long time.
And since December there's been some changes in my way of living. Most of all - I'm a happy student of third year of polish filology. Yay, time flows.  I learned knitting and doing masks from plaster. Playing with oil farbs, but those are lame works. Using pencil - and that is going better, I suppose. In few days I'm going to Bulgaria. Holidays!

And - tranformation has ended. I even enjoy morning coffee - I'm an adult! F**** knew it was coming. 21, yay. Even in USA I can do anything I want. But I despise easy on-the-go instat coffee. I percolate coffee ritually - I mill it on my own in old grinder etc. I think that people need rituals. I don't believe in church with all it's red tapes... So I found my own ceremonies.

It's hurtful when you stand in front of some facts, like 'I can't afford all this amazing things that I would like to try' and you need to choose. That's me and photography. My camera is not the latest model, my lenses sux. So I started posing to pictures with different results. It's cool. You get to know very... Amusing (i think that's the best word) People.

I'm still independent, but much less flustered about that fact. Then, in winter I felt like word ended. And by writing all those things about me being on my own I tried to convince myself that I can manage to be like that. And I could. God damn, that feels right. For those who are with someone - don't kill me, but I feel like being created to be engaged with myself. And my books, my pencils, to flirt with photographers through their lenses, to dance with strangers in pubs, to drink alone on parties. I don't miss being with someone.

Sometimes it's getting cold. Like it was told in "Game of thrones" - the winter is coming and lasts sometimes few days, other time  - couple of weeks. But still - there is always a sunny light behing the courtain of clouds.

I still believe in love. I just stopped to delude myself that this amazing state of mind is something that actually CAN be find. It just comes to you in it's own time and stays. But first you have to fell in love with yourself (in positive, non narcissitic way). I one looked into mirror and though "Hey, ugly morning face. I have to start to like you, there will be no one else in my life, with who I need to get up every morning!".

So I abandon my searches. Let it be. Thanks, Mother Mary.

Kisses, enjoy summer!

I guess that I wanna say something, but still... I don't exactly know what. Polish writing comes so much easier.
Happy new year people. Be happy about who you are, because - hello - you have to spend whole life with youreslf!
What  about me? I'm fine, I live, studying polish filology. I read a lot, sleep a lot. Drink a lot lately (it's almost new year, I have to make my stomach stronger ^^")...
Life goes fast as hell, You know? I'm here for five years now and I don't feel any smarter, better, stronger than I have been. I suppose that we only feel changes, when they are going from bad to worse. And I feel, that I'm changing for better - feeling independent and good with myslef.
Yep. Standing on my own two feets. Without 'loving' boyfriend by my side, with friends, but only those, who I really care about. And who care about me. I don't need to beg for friendship. Skrew you all jerks.

And those all people that are here with me five years! THANKS! (Joseph, I maybe don't know You, but if all american people are like You - I don't believe rumours about Your country anymore )
Happy New Year!

Friends:
and some.

I'm in love.
all that matters nowdays it this amazing feeling of happines. I'm so calm. Just.. Perfect.
And I'm having holidays! It's been month since I've finished high school. No waiting for my exams marks and... University. Am I old?

Good fellows:


  

Worth watching:

Hi!
Firstly, I would like to say to all You - Merry Christmas! And God bless you (OK, I'm almost ateist but that doesn't matter - I believe in God, just not in Church)! I wish you all peacful and happy Christmas with your family and lively, big, awsome party on New Years Eve.

Secondly I have to share it with you - OH MY GOOOOOD I've seen the handsomest guy in the world....! you see I am a big fan of all those wiccan things so I watch a lot of movies and serials and read books about it... And in one serial there is an actor - Drew Fuller and he is soooo totally CHARMING! I had to write it somewhere or otherwise I would just blow. And it's my wish for new year - I dream about meeting him... And you know... ]:->

Oh, it's never meant to be I know! But I can have dreams, don't I? And he sooo cute... Fatal Atracction I think. Even if I know him, he's too good for me. But, that's just a dream

Oh, I'm soo childlish!



  

Last days when I'm watching DA of people, I find it very difficult to find something new and interesting. Most people is throwing here some unsharp, bad framed photos and treat that place like it was a garbage, not place for showing things you are proud of. In Poland we have portal named fotka.pl where you can throw all that garbage and watchers always left you notes like "uuuuuuu sooooo niiiiicceee photo, come to me, lobve ya bye!"... I know, that my photography is not perfect, but if you look at elder pictures and nowdays photos you will see that I made some progress.
Also I saw, that there is plenty of girl about 12-14 and they are throwing here thousands photos of themselves (NOT nice or good framed OR having some meaning - just normal photo like from family album or even worse because f.ex. it's unsharp or just.. awful) and that girls are calling themselves photographers or even worse, AN ARTISTS .... Just help me please!
I couln't call my playing with photos art or myself an artist - I think this is a  title which is given by the people after you reach something in your life. And calling youreslf "an artist" means that you're not a real artist, just showman.
I don't know, maybe it's just mine opinion about that, but... LOOK AROUND. Very few person overhere makes an Art written by big "A".... Because The Art is something absolutly new and oryginal. You can meet some good photographers overhere (look at and for example), they are really nice, but something new? It's quite hard to find something new in painting and photography, don't you think?

Friends meet in reality:

  

Friends only by dev/ or net/ or both: